Sunday, September 18, 2016

Only one ass at the gate

Gotcha, didn't I.  You're like "what the heck is this one going to be about?"

As many of you know, I work at the main gate of our county fair. This is my 11th year and I really enjoy it.  When it's not crazy busy I take the time to have fun with the fair-goers.  There's a lot of razzing that goes on - both ways.

When it's slow - usually in the early mornings - I entertain myself watching the black squirrels cross the street in front of me.  So far I have never had to witness a squirrel death.

This year I wondered if I was seeing the same squirrel cross back and forth out there or if it was several from the same squirrel camp. And my other question was - what the hell are they doing?  They're not transporting nuts.  I never saw a one.  Then it occurred to me that it might just be their form of morning exercise.  
Squirrel Jazzercise.

Back to the title.  There are a lot of animals at our county fair but this blog isn't about them.  Surprised?  Of course you're not.

Over the years I have encountered some rotten apples at the gate.  Over all I would venture to say that 99% of the people that I see are great but, you know, there's always a few.  I try to not let them ruin my day and I've gotten pretty good at that.

This year I only had one ass come through.  The fact that it was only one amazes me and left me pretty darned contented when the 9 days came to a close yesterday.

The "ass" experience was countered by darling children - one blew kisses to me - wonderful old vets on Veterans Day, vendors who considered themselves stand-up comedians and my co-workers.

All and all, it was a great fair.  Oh, yeah, you'll be proud to know that I only got my favorite Gibby fries twice and I shared them (not a quality I'm known for) both times.

'til next year.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

An epiphany

Actually I had two today but I wasn't sure how to pluralize that word so I'll just explain both of them . . . one at a time.

The first epiphany happened this morning at Jazzercise.  I was chatting with some of my sweaty friends (Nancy, Diane and my sister, Lisa) about fans.  The floor ones and the ceiling ones and our combined experiences with them over the years.

I was describing what an idiot I look like when I go to bed at night with my blue ear plugs stuffed into the appropriate orifices and my sleep mask over my eyes but shoved slightly up onto my forehead to keep the wind from the ceiling fan from blowing across it.

It gives me a headache, ok?  That's why I do it.

Stand by for the epiphany:  Nancy said, "why don't you just reverse the direction of the fan blades."

What???  You can do that???

I'm trying it out tonight.  Stay tuned.

Epiphany #2:  After Jazzercise I was giving Lisa a lift downtown and we started gabbing.  I was still in my car and she was standing outside with the passenger door open.  

She said something about how low my seats were compared to hers. We both drive Subaru Imprezas so shouldn't they be the same?  She said, "why don't you just pump yours up with that lever thing on the side of the seat?"

What lever thing???  This lever thing?  Pump, pump, pump.

Holy crap - it's an entirely different view from up here.  Who knew!

I feel so enlightened.  Thank you to my friends and family.

Good night.